Nicole

I grew up going to church and am still in touch with many of the people I used to know there. Over the years, some kept pursing God and stayed connected to church while others didn't. I saw a number of my friends walk away from church, and I began to rethink my faith. I started asking questions like, 'Does God want to know me? Does He want to be involved in my life? How?' These are questions I've been wrestling with. I found that once I really started to explore these things, the road it has taken me on is real and so rewarding.

I became a Christian when I was in grade seven, at camp. I learned that Jesus took on Himself everything that stood between me and God and suffered the consequences of that separation from God, so that I wouldn't have to be away from Him anymore. All I had to do was thank Jesus for doing this for me, and then start finding out what it meant to live close to Him. Here's what I've been learning:

I'm very much a people-person. I love helping others, getting to know them, talking to them, encouraging them through hard times. What ends up happening, though, is I get exhausted. I didn't realize just how much I needed rest from all the emotional energy I was spending until we had the opportunity to go on a holiday this past June. We spent hours riding trains through Europe. I thought it would be such a waste of time. Something happened, though, as I sat there, with nothing to do but think, pray, and just be. It gave me time to let go of things that I was holding onto that were wearing me out from all the serving and doing I was involved in. That time made me remember who I am and who God is.

When we got back, I really missed that time to just be still. So, I designated a chair in our house as the 'train chair' where I would take half an hour everyday to stop long enough to reflect on my life, on who God is, to read from the Bible, ask God to be involved in specific parts of my life, and to be quiet. It was hard for me to do, but made me stop running and carrying things around with me.

I have kept up with making this time. After I do some journaling about everything that's bothering me, and read from the Bible, I close my eyes and enjoy spending time with God (and sometimes waiting to hear from him). I find He sometimes speaks to me in mental pictures. When I was sick in college, I always had a picture of me sleeping in a huge, gentle, warm hand. Not too long ago, when I was reflecting, I saw a mental picture of a big daisy that was reaching toward the sun. Something was digging at the roots. I got the impression that it was a picture of how my life with God has been stretched- I've been growing, like the daisy, and my roots have been getting deeper through the time I have been spending with Him. I get impressions from God like that sometimes, and they are normally accompanied by a Scripture I have recently read that keeps reoccurring in my life. It has been a neat journey to see how God has made my relationship with Him come alive, in the person that he made me to be. I love tangible things, being able to see and touch things, and God has met me there many times.

In everyday life, I know that God is guiding me through the hard times and giving me wisdom. Sometimes when I have deep conversations with other people about their problems or other difficult life issues, He gives me answers that are so beyond what I could have thought to say on my own. It's so cool for me to see God be so close to me in this way.

Some days I don't feel like I have a close connection to God at all. I don't always know why—maybe I'm too busy, distracted, or just not paying attention. But I know He's always there, and that makes such a big difference to me. I know that He doesn't have tons of expectations of me, just to know Him and follow Him, and it's not about how important my job is, or how many people like me, He just wants me to come to Him and He'll meet me there.